


but I knew him

by luckyfilbert



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Memory Loss, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 18:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1480120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckyfilbert/pseuds/luckyfilbert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The Winter Soldier lies on a rooftop, watching, waiting. Cars, so many cars. People. A parade. He has seen these colors before. He has heard this music before. Blonde hair, a sheepish grin.</i>
</p>
<hr/><p>DC wasn't the first time Bucky remembered Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but I knew him

1963\. Dallas. The Winter Soldier lies on a rooftop, watching, waiting. Cars, so many cars. People. A parade. He has seen these colors before. He has heard this music before. Blonde hair, a sheepish grin. 

_I thought you were smaller._

He tightens his finger around the trigger. A dark head in the scopes, turning, smiling. _You tighten your finger around the trigger. Elbows in the dirt, branches prickling your legs. A blonde head before you, below you. Protected._

He pulls the trigger. A crash, blood. _Blood on his face. Blonde hair, skinny, too skinny. A bigger boy, running. Blood on your knuckles. Wide eyes._

Screams.

_Did it hurt?_

Screams.

The Winter Soldier drops the gun. That is wrong. Stairs. People. He pushes past bodies, past a shaking woman, past a blonde man, loose tie, no.

He runs. He has never run before. But he knows how to find them so he knows how to not be found by them. They taught him this themselves.

_I'll teach you. Your brash, piping voice. A tiny smile, for you._

He runs a very far way.

He is in a building now, books all around. _Tiny hands on a huge volume. A reedy voice. I'll teach you. His smile._

He does not know how to talk to anyone. He has not talked to anyone in so long. There is a woman at a desk. "Steve Rogers," he tells her. He has never heard the name before. He has said the name every day for twenty frozen years.

He is at a table. There is a book. He is reading. _You are at a table. There is a book. You are reading. His bony elbow next to yours, his stick-fingers on the pages._

A photo. Blonde hair, open eyes, strong jaw. Tall. Steve Rogers, the book says. The book is wrong. The book is right. _It's me. It's Steve._

_Steve._

He turns pages. A map. A city. Brooklyn. _That little guy from Brooklyn._ More photos, men, war. Numbers. Numbers under his picture. Dates. There are two dates.

_Just go! His eyes. For you. Get out of here!_

_No! Not without you!_

The ocean. An empty sheet of ice.

The book is wet. Circles of water. It is not raining. 

The Winter Soldier stops running.

Time passes. The book is wetter. Voices, the woman's, footsteps. Hands on his arms. He is on his feet. They are saying something, telling him something, he does not hear. The book closes on the blonde man's face. 

Outside. A van. They drive, they move, he is moved. A chair. His face is wet.

"But I knew him."

Straps on his arms, rubber in his mouth. Pain. 

He does not know him anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> My oathsister and I headcanoned this over dinner. Then I slept four hours and wrote it on my commute. It all just kinda vomited out of my fingers.
> 
> Inspiration for my attempt at this style came from [M_Leigh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/M_Leigh/pseuds/M_Leigh)'s heartrendingly beautiful [we did not make ourselves](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1429213). I finished it and cried and then picked it back up and read it again and would suggest you do the same.


End file.
